Website copywriting & editing · Case study

Making Good Information Sound Human

A change of voice for a Cornish watermill’s website.

This is a demonstration piece based on a sample brief. Trevellan Mill is not a real client or visitor attraction.

The brief

The information was all there. The problem was the way it was being told. The original website copy was accurate and informative, but formal and rather distant. The challenge was to make it warmer, clearer and more inviting without losing useful information or drifting into exaggerated sales language.

No hard sell. No unnecessary adjectives. Just a change of tone that makes the reader feel welcome.

Before

The original extract

Trevellan Mill is a historic watermill situated in the Cornish countryside and provides visitors with the opportunity to discover more about the important role that milling played in the local area during the 19th and early 20th centuries.

Visitors to Trevellan Mill are able to see the restored waterwheel and associated machinery. Milling demonstrations take place at selected times during the day, subject to operational requirements and water levels. These demonstrations provide an opportunity to observe traditional milling techniques and gain an understanding of the processes involved in producing flour.

The editing decisions

Address the reader directly. Replace formal phrases such as “provides visitors with the opportunity” with straightforward language about what you can see and do.
Give the place a human context. Begin with the mill’s role in everyday life, then organise the visit around the machinery, displays, grounds, café and shop.
Keep the practical qualifications. Retain seasonal opening and the conditions affecting demonstrations. A restored waterwheel does not imply that it will be running whenever someone visits.

After

The revised website copy

Welcome to Trevellan Mill

For generations, the sound of milling was part of everyday life in this corner of Cornwall. Built in 1847, Trevellan Mill produced flour for people living in the surrounding villages. Today, the mill’s main draw is its restored waterwheel and the glimpse it offers into that past and the people who shaped it.

At the heart of the mill is its restored waterwheel, along with the machinery that once turned grain into flour. At selected times during the day, you can watch a milling demonstration and see traditional techniques in action. Demonstrations depend on operating conditions and water levels, so please check what is running when you visit.

Inside the mill, photographs, objects and displays tell more of the story. They explore not only the building’s history, but also the lives of people who lived and worked in the surrounding area.

There’s time to unwind outside, too. Take a walk around the mill grounds and enjoy the views across the Cornish countryside. Then stop for a drink, a slice of cake or a light bite in the café. The shop has souvenirs and a selection of locally produced items if you’d like something to take home.

Trevellan Mill is open from April to October. Opening days and times vary during the season, so please check the website before you go.

Whether you come for the machinery, the local history or to spend some time exploring an old Cornish mill, come and discover Trevellan for yourself.

Does your copy need a fresh pair of eyes?

Tell me who it is for, what it needs to achieve and how much you would like me to change.

Discuss an editing project Back to selected writing